There’s a perception that many hold of men. That they are ‘seen’ as the stronger sex – not just physically but also mentally and emotionally, they don’t often seek help or support when they need it. Men are very unlikely to ask for help even if they need it – this could be because they are ‘programmed’ to believe they must be ‘strong’ and asking for help can be ‘seen’ as a sign of weakness, which would mean if they asked for help, this must mean they’re weak.
Even when a child cries we say ‘big boys don’t cry’ instantly telling the child that as a boy he shouldn’t cry. This could seem harmless but it can teach that child that because he is a boy he shouldn’t be crying (teaching him to hide his emotions). These can lead to men developing poor coping strategies, displaying minimal emotions/feelings, this could result in them becoming irritable or getting angry over little things. Men can hide their feeling from themselves as much as they can hide their feelings from others in their lives.
Men are programmed from an early age to believe they must be ‘strong’, something as innocent as saying to a child when he cries: ‘big boys don’t cry’, you instantly tell that child that as a boy he shouldn’t cry. This could seem harmless but it can teach that child that because he is a boy he shouldn’t be crying (teaching him to hide his emotions). These can lead to men developing poor coping strategies, displaying minimal emotions/feelings, this could result in them becoming irritable or getting angry over little things. Men can hide their feeling from themselves as much as they can hide their feelings from others in their lives.
Men can fear their emotions/feelings just as much as women – this is the way they have learnt to cope, so they bury their feelings. Fear can be very controlling of the way men think and act – men can have fears of what would happen if they allow themselves to feel. Our expectations of men can weigh heavy on them – making them feel like they have to live up to our expectations of them having to be stronger.
Men want to be understood, to be able to live without having expectations placed upon them, to be able to mess up once in a while without judgement. To feel when they are ready to feel and to be able to have an honest conversation.
As a partner: with an understanding of how men work – you can change the way you approach male counterparts in your life so that you can openly have a conversation which won’t have a negative impact on their thinking or feeling.
As men: communicating how you feel and think is a very positive thing, it allows the other person to fully understand you and what’s going on for. If the communication is lacking, this only leaves room for assumptions and assumptions are a majority of the time not based on fact. Changing the amount/way you communicate can help make relationships stronger, strengthen bonds and create better understanding between yourself and the other individuals in your life.
If you’ve found this article helpful, please consider sharing this so others can benefit from this too!
